Take Me To Your Leader
by Nova-chan
Summary: The slayers are abducted by aliens.


Take Me to Your Leader!  
  
By NoV  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
Due to a complaint I received, there will be no more Kawaii Konversations.  
  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
"Well, now, after walking around, aimlessly, for seventeen hours straight, in the same exact scenery, with no sign of civilization of any living creature, I can safely say that we're lost," Lina said, annoyed.  
  
"That's brilliant. However did you come to that conclusion?" Zelgadis wondered.  
  
"Oh, shut up, Zel," Lina snapped, angrily. "It's YOUR fault that we're in this mess in the first place. 'Oh, we don't need a map!' you said. 'I know the forest like the back of my hand!' you said. 'All right,' I said. 'What could possibly go wrong?' I said. Well, guess what! You DON'T know your way around this stupid forest and I wanna eat!! I haven't seen FOOD in-in- days!!!"  
  
"It's been seventeen hours since you last ate, like you said," the chimera argued.  
  
Gourry perked up. "Food? Where?? I want food!! My tummy needs nourishment!! I can almost TASTE the delicious flavor of dim-sum! And, who can forget, the beautiful and perfect smell of tacos? Ooh! And, hot pockets!!"  
  
"Mr. Gourry, please!" Amelia whined, holding her grumbling stomach. "I'm hungry too, but I'm not standing around proclaiming it to the world and making it even worse! Grow some self-control, for Justice's sake."  
  
"Hello!" Xelloss greeted. "I'm back!!"  
  
"Where were you?" Lina wondered, blankly. "I didn't realize you were gone."  
  
"Oh, I just went into town and got a bite to eat," the mazoku answered, floating above them all. "I didn't get too much, just a little snack, I didn't wanna get TOO full, you know. Ah, the joys and revelries of teleportation."  
  
"WHY YOU!!!!!!" the sorceress yelled, lunging at him and tackling him out of the sky. "YOU GO INTO TOWN, GET A __SNACK__ AND DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO THINK ABOUT THE REST OF US???? I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND THEN I'M GOING TO HURT YOU!!!!"  
  
"Oh, Lina-chan," he said, laughing, "how could I forget my favorite chibi onna-ko?" He produced a picnic basket.  
  
Lina drooled. "I'll let the comment slide, but only because you brought food!!" She dove for the basket.  
  
Xelloss smiled as Gourry and Amelia hopped over to the basket, as well.  
  
Lina viciously opened it, greed and desire for food rising high within her. She imagined barbecue and fish and pie and sandwiches and tacos and every other kind of food that might be inside.  
  
Gourry and Amelia watched in wonder and yearning as the lid was lifted and Lina reached her hand in. Their joy quickly faded into incredulity when the sorceress pulled out a handful of orange goo.  
  
"Yuck!!" Lina shrieked, flinging the goo everywhere.  
  
Once getting over her hysteria, the bandit killer grabbed Xelloss by the collar of his cloak and lifted him off the ground.  
  
"How DARE you trick me like that??" she demanded, icily. "You can mess with a lot of things, but hen you mess with my food, it's personal!"  
  
"Oh, but, my dear Lina," Xelloss said, innocently, "did I ever SAY that I had brought your lunch in that basket?"  
  
Lina stood still for a few moments, staring off into space, before dropping Xelloss into a bush, where he landed with a smile.  
  
"Come on, Miss Lina," Amelia beckoned, sadly. "Maybe the next village is right around the corner."  
  
"Yeah, and Gourry's gonna be the next award-winning biophysicist," Lina said, sarcastically.  
  
"Yeah," Gourry added, "and pudding will be made of earwax."  
  
"I WISH pudding could be made out of earwax."  
  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
"Miss Lina, we've been walking for HOURS and still nothing!" the princess exclaimed, tiredly. "Can't we rest for just a little while?"  
  
"No, Amelia!" the orange-haired girl yelled back "If we stop now, we'll never get out of here!"  
  
Zelgadis stared at Xelloss. "You know the way out of here, don't you?"  
  
His only response was a cheery grin.  
  
"Hey! Look! Flying food!" Gourry shouted, pointing at the sky.  
  
"Flying food??" Lina shrieked. "Where??"  
  
And that's when she saw it.  
  
The object was symmetrical with a silver coloring. A few lights were scattered around the edges. There was a hollowed-in portion that could have served as a door, and an oval-shaped opening in the bottom.  
  
Everyone was frozen, sans Gourry, who still believed it to be 'flying food.' No one said a word. Even the animals and trees were silent.  
  
Then, suddenly, without warning, a light filtered from the opening in the bottom and they were all sucked in.  
  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
Gourry awakened slowly, feeling a slight pain in his head and little pang in his stomach.  
  
He looked around, dumbfounded, at the array of shiny, pointy or otherwise dangerous instruments.  
  
To the right of him, he saw Lina, Amelia, Zelgadis, and Xelloss, all lying on the floor, presumably sleeping.  
  
"Hey you guys!" he exclaimed. He tried to reach out and wave to get their attention, but found that his hands had been shackled to the metal table he was lying on.  
  
"Oh, no!!" he cried, nervously. "I'm stuck!! It's the return of Lil Washu! Help! Help!! I don't wanna be cloned again!"  
  
All the shouting woke up Zelgadis, who grumbled, rolled over, and began to yell, "Gourry, some of us are trying to-" He stopped when he noticed his strange surroundings.  
  
"Zel!! Help me!" the immobile Gourry wailed.  
  
The chimeric swordsman rose to his feet and trodded over to Gourry.  
  
"Where are we?" he asked, fearfully.  
  
"I have no earthly idea."  
  
"I think you're right."  
  
"Really?" Gourry wondered, blissfully.  
  
"Yeah," Zelgadis replied, "The part about 'no earth.'"  
  
The chimera placed his hands on one of the shackles and tried to force it open, to no avail. He then attempted a small spell, which didn't work either.  
  
By this time, Gourry's eyes had filled with tears, and his anxiety had grown to an immense size. "What if you guys never get me out of this?" he inquired, grievously. "I'll have to walk around with a board attached to me!! I'll never be able to feed myself again!! People will call me 'Stuck to a Table-Boy'! Zel, I don't want that to happen!"  
  
"Calm down!" Zelgadis instructed. "I'll wake the others. I'm sure that we can think of something if we put our heads together."  
  
He proceeded to gently wake up Amelia and Lina.  
  
"Problem," he merely said, pointing to the incapacitated blond.  
  
"Help me!"  
  
Lina sweatdropped. "Well, THIS is perfect." She looked at Xelloss, who was happily snoring away. "Why didn't you wake him up?"  
  
"I'm not touching him!!" Zelgadis exclaimed, sternly.  
  
Lina rolled her eyes. "You're such a baby." She sauntered over to the snoozing priest, smiled, and kicked him in the ribs. "Hey Xelloss! Wake up!!"  
  
"OH, my nonexistent diaphragm," Xelloss groaned. "You've got people skill issues," he said to Lina, grumpily.  
  
"Well, get over it," she retorted. "We have bigger problems."  
  
Xelloss glanced at Gourry. "Goo-chan?"  
  
"Umm..Xoo-chan?" Gourry replied, strangely.  
  
Xelloss sweatdropped. "What have you gotten yourself into this time?"  
  
"It's Lil Washu again! She came back to clone me and take over the world again!!" the blond shrieked.  
  
"Oh, poor Mr. Goo-err, Mr. Gourry," Amelia fretted, correcting herself.  
  
"I always thought you WANTED to take over the world," Xelloss said, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I do," Gourry agreed. "Just not with clones. When I take over the world, I wanna do it while driving an ice cream truck!!"  
  
"Oh-kay," Zelgadis said, "you've lost me."  
  
"With the ice cream truck approach, no one will suspect-"  
  
"I think we have more important things to worry about right now," Lina snapped, "like getting out of here!"  
  
At that moment, the door slid open, revealing a blob-like creature, green and covered with pus-like juice.  
  
"AAAAAAAAHHH!!!" Gourry screamed. "IT'S NOT LIL WASHU!! IT'S THE INVADING MIND-SNATCHERS!!"  
  
"Zel-kun! Hold me!!" Xelloss wailed, hopping into the chimera's arms.  
  
"Cut it out, you freak!" Zelgadis yelled. "This isn't 'The Yaoi'!"  
  
Xelloss was dropped. He walked to Amelia and made a big, sparkly eye face.  
  
"Amelia-chan!!" he whined. "Hold me!!"  
  
Amelia cringed, but couldn't refuse the pleading mazoku's face. "Oh-kay, Mr. Xelloss, but-aah!" she shrieked when he hopped up on her shoulders.  
  
Xelloss cackled. "I'm the king of the room! Bow to me, for I am your..err..uhh..taller guy!"  
  
"Mr. Xelloss! Stop moving!" Amelia cried. "You're gonna make me fall!!"  
  
"Leave Amelia alone," Zelgadis ordered, sharply.  
  
The priest teasingly huffed. "Gourry will hold me, won't you, Goo-chan?"  
  
"I'm kind of..um..attached to a table right now," Gourry answered.  
  
"Oh, I forgot." The monster sighed. "Lina will-"  
  
"Not on your life, fruitcake."  
  
"Excuse me!!" the blob exclaimed. "Did you forget that I, your captor, am over here seething at you? You're totally ignoring me!" It stomped its foot.  
  
"Oh, sorry Mr./Miss Blob," Amelia apologized. "By the way, have you found the light and journeyed into the glories and healing powers of Justice?"  
  
"If I say yes, will you be quiet?" the blob inquired.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then, yes. Now, I bet you're all curious as to why I've brought you all here, right?" it asked.  
  
Everyone nodded.  
  
"Well," it smirked, "I want to conduct HORRIBLE and PAINFUL experiments on each and every one of you! MUAHAHAHA!!"  
  
"Nova-chan, what are you doing?" someone behind the blob asked. "Hey! That's my 'It Came From the Deep' costume!!"  
  
The blob sweatdropped. "Kimi-san?"  
  
Zelgadis glared at the blob. "You've got some nerve."  
  
Nova pulled off her blob mask. "I'm sorry! But I'm still mad at Gooey-chan for eating all my kitchen!!"  
  
"Bad NoV!" Xelloss scolded. "You had me freaked!!"  
  
The girl sniffled. "Don't be mad at Nova-chan!!"  
  
Kimi-san stepped from behind her, holding a lollipop. "Here. Now stop it."  
  
"Candy!!" Nova-chan squeaked, grabbing the item.  
  
"What are you doing here anyway?" Amelia wondered, casually.  
  
"Well," she answered, bitterly, "since SOME people don't like 'Kawaii Konversations' that go at the beginning and end of NoV's stories, she had to figure out how to still be in this one.  
  
"Do you have any food?" Lina asked. "I'm STARVING!!"  
  
"I restocked the kitchen!" NoV replied, perkily. "Come on!"  
  
The group quickly disembarked from the room, chattering.  
  
"Hey wait!!" Gourry cried. "I'm still attached to the tale! WAIT!!!"  
  
  
  
The end.  
  
  
  
Oh-kay, I need ideas again, but no more yaoi, and definitely no yuri! 


End file.
